Jay Cutler on Smokin’ Jay Cutler

“Whoever created Smokin’ Jay Cutler thinks it’s funny to paste and photoshop a picture of a burning cigarette onto a picture of my mouth, my face. Yeah, maybe. Still, it’s a lazy move. First, do some research. I only smoke Camel No-Filters. Do you think I want to filter that unique blend of Turkish & Domestic Tobacco & Cocaine? Go ‘Dores. I mean, shit dude. What do you think I smoke? Kools? Who am I? Brandon Marshall? Marion Barry? Barry Obama?”

“Seriously though. Who am I?”


Jay Cutler on His New NFL Women’s Apparel Commercial

“OK, Bears Fans. Guess the over-under on how many of those chicks I chose for that commercial. I’ll give you a hint: they all blew me.”

Jay Cutler on Sam Hurd

“Yeah so, I was making somewhat racially charged (it’s cool, some of my friends are black) jokes about him selling drugs. I didn’t mean for him to take it seriously. And I’m not saying I ever bought anything from him, but on a completely unrelated note I do need to go find a new, uh, pharmacist. Yeah, they closed the Walgreen’s near my apartment….”

Jay Cutler on his outburst to Mike Martz

“That wasn’t to Mike Martz. My weed guy was waiting in the locker room and I was taking too long apparently. But also, fuck Mike Martz. A WNBA coach could probably come up with better plays than he does.”

Jay Cutler on the Oscars

“I don’t really go to the movies. I do Netflix. Also, I sure as hell didn’t have any kind of queer viewing party. If you ever see me at an event in a tux playing grab-ass with a bunch of people less talented than me, it’s probably an ESPY after party. I didn’t see any of the movies up for awards anyway. I heard there was one movie about Mila Kunis going down on Natalie Portman though, so I’ll probably Netflix that.”

Jay Cutler on Charlie Sheen

“I mean, I loved him in Hot Shots. Why do you ask? Did he do something to warrant a question about him?”

Jay Cutler on the Carmelo Anthony trade

“Yeah, who’d he play for? Denver? Fuck that bro, I know what it’s like to be stuck in Denver. It’s nothing but hippie chicks and skiing, and I don’t ski. Not that kind of skiing anyway.”