Jay Cutler on Smokin’ Jay Cutler

“Whoever created Smokin’ Jay Cutler thinks it’s funny to paste and photoshop a picture of a burning cigarette onto a picture of my mouth, my face. Yeah, maybe. Still, it’s a lazy move. First, do some research. I only smoke Camel No-Filters. Do you think I want to filter that unique blend of Turkish & Domestic Tobacco & Cocaine? Go ‘Dores. I mean, shit dude. What do you think I smoke? Kools? Who am I? Brandon Marshall? Marion Barry? Barry Obama?”

“Seriously though. Who am I?”


Jay Cutler on His New NFL Women’s Apparel Commercial

“OK, Bears Fans. Guess the over-under on how many of those chicks I chose for that commercial. I’ll give you a hint: they all blew me.”

Jat Cutler on the Kardashians

“I’d fuck Kim if I was drunk, I’d fuck Kourtney and maybe take her to breakfast the next morning, and I’d recommend the fat one for our practice squad.”

Jay on the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

“Where am I sitting? The fucking dressing room, brotimes.”

Jay Cutler on the Oscars

“I don’t really go to the movies. I do Netflix. Also, I sure as hell didn’t have any kind of queer viewing party. If you ever see me at an event in a tux playing grab-ass with a bunch of people less talented than me, it’s probably an ESPY after party. I didn’t see any of the movies up for awards anyway. I heard there was one movie about Mila Kunis going down on Natalie Portman though, so I’ll probably Netflix that.”

Jay Cutler on Charlie Sheen

“I mean, I loved him in Hot Shots. Why do you ask? Did he do something to warrant a question about him?”

Jay Cutler on John Fox’s decision to name Kyle Orton the Broncos’ Starting QB

“Obviously, he had no good options. He had to choose between a guy with fetal alcohol syndrome and a misplaced fullback with a decent arm and a Jesus complex. This is what happens when you lose the best QB your franchise ever had. Elway and co. are living in my shadow.”