Jay Cutler on The Referee Lockout

“In the struggle between capital and labor, I always say fuck it and side with myself. That’s right, I’m both. Haven’t you heard of The Jay Cutler Foundation? Do you know how much…What? It’s a non-profit? Well, maybe for you.”


Jay Cutler on the MNF Controversy

“I don’t see where there’s any ‘controversy’ at all. Maybe if you don’t want to lose by a questionable Hail Mary touchdown maybe don’t let the fucking Seahawks stay within five points of you. I don’t know, doesn’t seem that hard to me. Russel Wilson’s what, like 5’2″, and Clay ‘I pretend I’m Thor’ Matthews can’t at least get a hand in his face? You can blame the refs if you want, but I’d blame the twelve fucking points you only managed to score.”

Jay Cutler on The Rams

“I’d like to thank Michael Bush, Major Wright, Robbie Gould, and not Brandon Marshall for helping me win the game Sunday. Oh, and the defense, I guess. But mostly Sam Bradford and his O-Line. Once pressured you can always count on an Indian to self-destruct. 2 INT? 6 sacks? What were those throws? A creation myth? (What Up Vandy Comp Lit Dept?) AFTER EATING THE RAM THE BEAR WAS STILL HUNGRY. LITTLE SAM WAS SCARED FOR HIS FRIEND THE PIG SO HE THREW PIG INTO THE SKY. BUT THE BEAR WAS TOO BIG. THIS IS WHY WE HAVE INTERCEPTIONS.

I gotta stop doing coke in the afternoon. I need something more constructive to do while skipping team meetings. God, why is my DVR filled up with Laguna Beach Seasons 1-2? What the fuck isĀ Laguna Beach?”

Jay Cutler on Smokin’ Jay Cutler

“Whoever created Smokin’ Jay Cutler thinks it’s funny to paste and photoshop a picture of a burning cigarette onto a picture of my mouth, my face. Yeah, maybe. Still, it’s a lazy move. First, do some research. I only smoke Camel No-Filters. Do you think I want to filter that unique blend of Turkish & Domestic Tobacco & Cocaine? Go ‘Dores. I mean, shit dude. What do you think I smoke? Kools? Who am I? Brandon Marshall? Marion Barry? Barry Obama?”

“Seriously though. Who am I?”

Jay Cutler on His New NFL Women’s Apparel Commercial

“OK, Bears Fans. Guess the over-under on how many of those chicks I chose for that commercial. I’ll give you a hint: they all blew me.”

Jay Cutler’s Post Game Analysis of the Green Bay Game

“In retrospect, I probably should have completed more passes to my own players than I did to the Green Bay defense. Also, next game I’m thinking we just declare all of the linemen eligible receivers and send them deep on every snap. The protection would be the same, but at least I’d have more bail-out options.”

Jay Cutler on the Status of the Green Bay Game

“What would be really nice right now would be if that Bane guy came and blew up Lambo Field like he did at the end of The Dark Knight Rises.”