Jay Cutler on last night’s Detroit game

“From what I can remember, it was a pretty good game (I blacked out around the middle of the 3rd quarter). Let’s review what we learned:

– It’s so much fucking easier to let the defense score points for you. Leaves way more time for 12oz curls

– Matt Stafford looks more like a fucking Occupy Wall Street protestor than he does a football player. Seriously bro, get a fucking haircut and hit the gym. A little drunkorexia goes a long way.

– People need to stop calling Calvin Johnson ‘Megatron’. I get it, he’s big. He also couldn’t catch a fucking beach ball if you threw it to him underhand. Also, I’m almost positive he can’t transform into a fighter jet, but the jury’s still out on that one.

– Playing like some kind of fucking thug (Suh and Fairley) is neither the same as nor as effective as actually being good at football

– DJ Moore is such a fucking bro”

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