“Look, I injured my knee. I didn’t have it amputated. Walking around and taking your ‘girlfriend’ to obnoxiously expensive sushi restaurants is not the same as playing football. None of this bullshit would have happened if the team hadn’t listed me as ‘questionable’ when there was no way in hell I was coming back. There’s nothing ‘questionable’ about me. Not my sexuality, and certainly not my ability to play football.
Also, two things to clarify: No, we were not eating with Lance Bass, and yeah, I’m really into cardigans this winter.”
“I’ll tell you what I’m gonna do. I’m going to visit you at work. I’m going to make your working conditions really, really shitty. Then, I’m going to tell you that if you do your job today the best you’ve ever done it, I’m going to give you Superbowl tickets and more money and pussy than you ever dreamed of. Then, I’m going to injure you in such a way that makes it all but impossible to perform your job at all, let alone well. After that, I’m going to let an old guy from accounts receivable and then a 21 year-old intern have a go at it. If they can still manage to do your job better than you’ve ever done it, the tickets, money, and pussy are still yours. Guess what? It isn’t happening.
Now, tell me how fucking happy you would be to watch that scene play out.”
“Yeah, I cry at the end of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. So what? It’s some emotional shit.”
“You know, fuck the Packers, but I’m glad it’s over. I have a shit ton of golf, beer pong, and cornhole to catch up on. There will be another season next year. We will be better. Stop fucking worrying about it.”
“Steelers will absolutely roll the Packers. I don’t know how they won this game, but they did. Have fun Aaron. Money on the Steelers?”